Some Things I want to say...

I have lived in a box for quite some time now... I have tried to be pacifistic and calm. But almost all of people know that i am not perfect. I have been transparent to almost all of the people that I know.. but there is a tiny spot in me that people just couldnt see, so this is my way to express how I feel in every situation that I am going through.



I was hurt and angry, it's because I allowed myself to feel offended. I reacted because I did not feel worthy.I perceived that someone is treating me unfairly..

Apologizing does not only mean that you admit that you are wrong.

I learned how to apologize to those whom I have faulted, caused pain and anguish.

One of the reasons that I am sometimes unforgiving and holding on to grudges is because I focus on the negatives. But then I thought and looked for the good in people and situations. By doing that I can make myself feel better.



To all of the people whom I have caused trouble and felt offended bout things, I am sorry..

and YOU, I pardon you for your ignorance.

My first and final blog for you....

I guess this is it... I have already rested my case..
I know how much you love me and so do u.......
I did everything i can do just to make things work out.
I have done lots of things to show you that somehow I am worth fighting for..
I only asked for one thing, one thing...
I know what i was asking for is hard,
but whats more harder than leaving me dump-founded..
shocked, clueless... youre always giving me the surprise..
Everyday, youre always giving me the reasons to leave when all I wanted is to stay.
Everyday... I made you feel that u exist...But you're vacillated..
I tried to consider what you want and how u will prove..
I thought that spending time together would clear up the doubts that were abounding.
But love is nothing without the trust to back it up.. always remember that.
I tried to stay... but to stay longer in this situation is meant killing myself..
I cant offer you my full trust again.. I begged for it... we both know that.
Nothing happeded.....

"I've always wanted for you what you've wanted for yourself and yet I wanted to save us high water or hell...and I kept on ignoring the ambivalence you felt. and in the meantime I lost myself. I'm sorry I lost myself... -i am"


Here it is... You're always asking me to blog something about you... So this will be my first and final blog for you...This is hard for me, but Im only doing this to protect myself from harm. Though I wll be gone, Though I will be living on my own now... decades is nothing because i know that our memories will always smart like it was 4 minutes ago.. I love you and good journey..


I love you so much more than you can ever imagine..

R.D.A :)

Ode to My False Friends

The following is a little something that I wrote a little while ago after a falling out with certain “friends” of mine. I won’t get into the details because it’s well in the past, but I kinda like

how this turned out.

You think you all are perfect friends forever?
Whatever
Everyone else knows better
They don't even look at your good sides
You can’t let go of anything
They dont realize what their doing to each other
A puppy dog look and a please gets him everything he wants
Both of you yacking shit about me
You all have your own revised way
If people were to come your way, You'd go running again, ryt?
Craving for them...well, you can have them all (all yours)
I know what you all did.... every details
and you all know that this was not the first time that this thing happened
my bad i was stll convinced that we've all grown up.
You've done it before, remember?
Really, how could you forget?
I sure haven’t
And don’t come crying to me when it happens again
Because I’m done
In your own little world, every thing’s about you
You all are the star, the characters that dont even do bad things.
Hey!!! " this is reality!!"
There are other people in this world
Most of them are much worse off than you’ll ever be
Maybe you all are the perfect match after all
Both of you consumed by yourselves
Telling lies, deceiving people
All just to get your way
So this is my ode my false friends
They all come crumbling down in the end

8mcdo

Since everyone's annoyed with the excuse of a "service" that is 8Mcdo these days, allow me to tell you guys my own experience which happened the other nyt..See, on my way home,Shawn SMSed me saying he had McDonald's food delivered. I checked the time,10:50pm. Of course, he ordered it earlier than 10:50, right? But I'm going to be considerate here and just continue to base the time at exactly10:50pm. So yeah, we waited.. and waited.. around 11:40pm, we got a call saying the delivery would be 10 mins. late..Ok. So.. sure, right?But guess what?? We got the delivery at 12:28am.-_-IMAGINE???? Ordering it at 10:50, and getting it at almost ONE IN THE FREAKIN' MORNING???? GOD!!! I wouldn'tbe yanking this way if the bad service only happened to ME. But while I was trying to eat my "World's Famous Fries" which turned out to be cold and saggy, my friend Jen texted me asking how I was and I said,"I'm ok. I'm currently pissed at8McDo. They delivered our meal SUUUPER LATE NA!!!"She then replied,"Naku! That happened to my Dad before.Sa kanya, nasa receipt yung Chicken nuggets pero wala namang nuggest na bingay samin!"LOOOOL. OMG. This is getting serious.I think McDonald's should do something about it already. Ack!!!!

YOU KNOW WUT I REALLY HATE?

stepping on something wet and squishy
with my two bare feet especially in the dark.
when im watchin the freakin TV and
seeing these freakin mother and daughter talkin about not being fresh.
(war, poverty and injustice) see!
im not that shallow and self-centered.
when my underwear rides up and I
could not even adjust it cuz theres too many people around "and staring".
when I go to 7-11 and buy a microwave burger
"you really have to find for those freakin frozen spot where it didnt cook the
whole way thru.
and of course, not having my hun around..... yeah!!

somethings you dont know about me...

somethings you dont know about me...i am a very serious person when it comes to talking about love...
i am a selfish lover... i will own you as long i can and i will never let you go... not until you ASK me to...
i dont usually lie... just sometimes...
i love sex...
i dont eat olives and sesame seeds...
i still love myself...
i really love shawn...
but loving shawn means hating myself so much!
if i tend to love someone... i would almost do anything for that certain person...
i have attempted to kill myself several times...
i love my mom and my dad but they don't know it...

great day

great day today....someone stole my phone, i lost my contacts including all of my good friends...
Sucks for me but then i start realizing that its a blessing in disguise so i can start a whole new life again....
I want to be useful again,, i dont want to be a liability forever.... thanks to the women who was sitting at the next table at the restaurant
where i had my luch earlier this afternoon, thank god that im good when it comes to eaves-dropping.
you made me realize things that was supposedly way for me to realize this soon.
Ive been bumming around for quite some time now without even realizing that im wasting my time. I know i can do better than this, thanks to all of the people who
supported me when i was so down,surely appreciated.. and thanks to d people who didnt support me at all.
For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin--real life.
But there was always some obstacle in the way,
something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business,something keeps on bothering me.
time still to be served,though I thought that i have all the money in the world, there is still some debt to be paid,there's still some hurting that i have to feel. Then life would begin.
At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.