My lighter's still burning for you.....

My lighter's still burning for you

I've made another confession last night, it wasn't the best of confessions, i did it over Yahoo Messenger with the person being offline. It's the only way i can tell you you're everything i ever wanted. Guess i'm your fool. I feel that i'm in the state i was a long time ago, on a chase that i'll never catch up with.
Been so emo lately, i think it's the most emo period of my life, that it's causing me to develop suicidal thoughts. Was on the verge to do it last night, but i got a grip of myself, kept my composure and left the house to get myself drunk instead. Call me a loser, call me a fool over someone who doesn't know my existence.
Melancholy has been part of my life for so long that it has become me. Sometimes i enjoy feeling this way, it makes me feel like myself. Maybe i got a black bile, that's why i'm constantly so melancholic. A person whose music i can really relate to is Aaron Lewis from Staind, whose lyrics are angsty and pain streaken filled to the brim, plus he sings like he's mourning, with so much feelings put into it, bringing the whole world down, and raising all the hands of lighters up.



I've state my case, i don't fit in.

My lighter's still burning for you.

I AM....

I AM....
I AM A SON, A BROTHER, A GRANDSON, A NEPHEW, A COUSIN, A FRIEND. I AM A PARTNER, A STUDENT, YOUNG BOY, A CO-WORKER AND A GROWN MAN. I AM CONFIDENT YET SCARED, TERRIFIED AND EXCITED, I CARE BUT I AM WRECKLESS, I AM HERE BUT I AM REALLY GONE. I AM LOVING AND CARING AND THOUGHTFUL AND HELPFUL. I AM SICK AND TIRED. I AM SHY AND FRIENDLY, AND CAREFUL AND CARELESS. I AM BROKEN AND WHOLE. I AM MISUNDERSTOOD, MISGUIDED AND MISLEAD. I AM HARDWORKING AND DETERMINED, BUT A LITTLE SCARED ON THE INSIDE. I WISH ON STARS AND DREAM MY DREAMS. I PRAY TO GOD AND CRY MY TEARS. I SMILE ON THE OUTSIDE, WHILE IM DYING ON THE INSIDE. I LISTEN TO OTHERS WHO WONT LISTEN TO ME. I WALK ON EGGSHELLS, AND I WALK ON FIRE. I BELIEVE IN PASSION, BUT NOT TRUE LOVE. I LOVE YOU BUT I PUSHED YOU AWAY. I WANT YOU BUT NOT SO CLOSE. I AM EVERYTHING AND NOTHING ALL AT ONCE. AND ALL I THAT WANTED FROM YOU, IS FOR YOU TO LOVE ME. I AM WRONG AND I AM SORRY.


.......I AM

Oblivious me..

I havent felt this way before. Im like burning to death by the fire that I created. Im nothing right now, just like a sheep that is guided by a lame shepard. How I wish Everything was fine, but it was meant to happen this way, and I know that I cant do anything to help this poor guy. And things will never be the same, same as how it was when I still know how to make myself happy. Now Im never contented, now I dont know how to kneel. And no, its not God's will. Its just that Im forgetting to look back, look back at the time when everything was just a scratch.

Ode to my Dad

Maybe you dont notice, but i am always around. I care so much but i cant find the right or proper way to show it. I was a young boy then But everything that I am right now involves every single thing that you are.I cant find the right way how to say these things that I have been keepin inside for a long time. Maybe this is the first time for me to express such thing or to say things like this to you, is it because that you are not giving me the chance or because I am not that brave enough to do it? Maybe I am, maybe I havent tried touching you. But Its not that I dont want to, Its just that I am afraid to do it because you always want us to have fear on you. I thought that i would be okay without your guidance, Yes I look okay, but things will never be the same as how it was being with you. Maybe God will give us the chance to meet again after this long journey. This journey that we made for no reason. Wait, I almost forgot. Just dropping by to say Happy Fathers Day and Everything's fine.